Valentines Day is Terrible

Valentines day was originally based on a pagan ritual where young men would have a lottery where they'd win a teenage girl to spend the year with.

And like all good things - modern society screwed this up.

The church evolved it around St. Valentine, the patron saint of stuff I don't feel like reading about. America Co. now uses it as an excuse to buy pretty flowers, eat shitty candy and go to Italian restaurants.

Here's my valentines day prediction for anyone that's not me:

1. You wake up and before anything tell your significant other you love them, because otherwise you won't satisfy their need to feel more important than everything else in the world. It's also good to reaffirm that you didn't stop loving them in your sleep.
2. You go to work. The entire time you realize that every dollar your making is about to be spent on something you don't want to buy. If you don't have a job, you should probably start an argument with your girl the day before - this way you avoid the valentines day expenditures while still getting the make-up lovin'.
   
3. If you're really whipped you take off in the middle of the day and drive to wherever your girl is with the passenger seat full of flowers that you pray to God she'll think are pretty. It's a very awkward drive because you'll usually have some sort of branch in your face accompanied by crappy flower smells and you'll be forced to keep your arm on the vase the entire trip like it's more important than a small child. You drop the flowers off only to get bitched at because you forgot to fill out the postage stamp sized card shoved between a bed of rose thorns. Hopefully you bought some chocolates as plan B.
   
4. You go back to your job and get made fun of by your coworkers.
5. After work you pick up your lady and head to some fancy restaurant that's overcrowded and staffed by all the people low enough on the totem pole they couldn't get valentine's evening off. You eat a meal that's good - but it only reminds you that your girl can't cook worth crap. You probably bought a bottle of wine you couldn't pronounce right and are now polishing it off single handedly because your date didn't like the taste and you're too cheap to let it go. You get a dessert that has a rose or heart or something stupid painted with strawberry sauce.
6. Now it's off to the movies because you're to unoriginal to think of anything better. And it is always -always- some crappy chick flick debuting on Valentines that you have to watch. This year it's 'fools gold' staring Matthew shirtless McConaughey. Enjoy that one, you turdburglar. Here's my prediction of the ending - the guy and the girl get back together. Now I know nothing about the movie other than it comes out on valentines day - but I know this prediction is 100% accurate becuase it's a chick flick staring the guy from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (Released on Feb 7 of 2003, GODDAMMIT!).
   
7. After the movie you go get some coffee. It's a pretty good idea because you're starting to feel hungover from all the wine. You spend most of the time talking about the movie - faking like you are interested when really you're are cursing the PG-13 rating for giving you an hour and a half of mindless, boobless, boring crap.
8. You head home. It's late, you've got a headache, she's tired, and you both have to go to work tomorrow. Sucks, don't it?

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!