Why I hate Windows Vista (and utorrent)

[warning: contains naughtly language]

[typically I avoid this on my blog, but this is unberable]

I'm not a religious man, but I do have religious practices.

Every Sunday I come home from work, grab some food, and download the newest episode of Top Gear.

Now for months this hasn't been a problem. BUT, in my infinite wisdom, I got a new desktop loaded with that steaming pile of an operating system... that inner child killing, evil as a bond villain stroking a cat, global warming, baby seal clubbing, auto tuning, gas guzzling, bane of my everlasting existence...

Now you're thinking to yourself, "just some idiot who doesn't understand computers and is blaming change for his problems".

Oh no, OOOOH no. Let me tell you of the peril that is Vista.

(story starts here)

So I go on my favorite torrent site happy because I'm about to download my favorite show. I open the torrent file and, low and behold, uTorrent needs to update. No big deal, let's do this update thing.

So I go through the menus, click install. Nothing.

Go back change my options, click install. Nothing.

This repeats a few times.

In despiration I decide to install the optional Ask.com toolbar - a step intended only for idiots who don't know that you don't have to install it. Still nothing.

I restart my computer, turn off my firewall, turn of my antivirus. Nothing

Suddenly I realize what the problem is. Horror of horros, it's not installing because I have UAC turned off.

For those of you who don't know what UAC is, it's a horrible new 'layer of protection' Microsoft decided to add because people are too stupid to not install viruses on their own computers.

[Start sub-rant #1]

UAC was invented by the devil to steal men's souls. It's for the people who put deisel gas in regular cars. It's for the people who need their coffee cups to tell them that coffee is hot. And if you like it, you should probably kill yourself because we needs less of you in the gene pool

Let me explain to you how UAC (user acess control) works.

You decide, hey, I want to install iTunes.

1. You go to mac.com and click the download button

2. You run the program and windows goes

"Holy fuck, a program, you must be out of your fucking mind, you can't run this shit, don't you know it's going to completely hose your system?"

3. You click 'run anyway' or something equally annoying

4. Windows turns the entire screen dark, and pops up another dialog saying

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph you're really serious about this? This is the worst decision you're every going to make. Do you know how insecure this operating system is? We really pushed development way to fast, threw in entirely too many bells and whistles and made a really crappy product. I mean look at your resource monitor - it's at 33% and you're not even doing ANYTHING. Do you really trust us to be able to install a program successfully, ok here goes"

You get the idea, anyway after about clicking through 14 security screens you have gotten through UAC and can continue on - a slightly angrier version of your previous self

[End sub-rant #1]

Because I'm not an obtuse computer user and trying to stay sane in the hellacious despair, the vacuumous pit deviod of sanity, the enslaver of minds that is Vista, I turned UAC off months ago.

Well, low and behold, like a mentally handicapped zombie reaching out from the grave to continue it's retarted annoyance post mordum... UAC has blocked me again!

So I turn it back on. It requires a restart. So I restart. I run the program, continue through the enslaught of pop-up warnings reminding me that I'm an jackass for buying Vista (an operating system designed for the dolts of society by the blockheads of programming, operating under the fatheads of management) and FINALLY get uTorrent updated.

So now it's time to turn UAC back off, where it will sit waiting in the system tray constantly popping up with great irritation to remind me that it's off AND, invevetably, prohibit me from installing programs worse than it would have if I had left it on.

-tjh

My Backspace Flash Drive

I decided to make my own version of one of these: