Adventures In Awesome

2010-02-24T00:39:00.003-06:00

take a needle and thread
and connect it from our hearts to our hands

Random Russian Spam

2010-01-16T17:47:00.002-06:00

I got an email in Russian, and out of boredom I decided to translate it. Danger: naughty language ahead.

"письки babies
Sex a shop минск
антонин долохов sex
Conception sex every day
moms video porno
Free-of-charge videos rollers of lesbians
Fucked сашу
скачать секси бэк
Porno of a photo of video rollers of the fat woman
Sex of the secretary "

2009-12-16T12:23:00.003-06:00

2009-10-28T21:29:00.003-05:00

Horacio: "Lady GaGa is a man, I'll prove it on Youtube."

[Music Playing]

Me: "Did you just get rickroll'd?"

Horacio: "Shuttup"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Horacio: "Just pay attention to this area here..."

Me: "What Area?"

Horacio: "Her penis"

2009-10-22T23:16:00.000-05:00

4 weeks: 6 pounds

Fast Times At Fairbanks Center

2009-09-24T18:47:00.003-05:00

A joint investigation between the cops and the custodians.

The evidence.

2009-09-18T23:44:00.005-05:00

"... Like I really give a crap what anyone thinks. I'm a janitor for Chrissake - I have no fear of death, I welcome it!"

-Jonathan the Custodian

I'm not sure if that's hilarious, a cry for help, or both.

2009-09-12T18:26:00.002-05:00

"How can you do this to me? I thought you were a perfect fit. I hate you! I hate you!"

-Horatio working on a puzzle

Eosinophilic Esophagitis: Accolades and Achalasia

2009-09-11T02:09:00.008-05:00

Preface:

I have recently been diagnosed with a rare condition called eosinophilic esophagitis (EE). When I eat certain foods my immune system floods my food pipe with a bunch of overzealous white blood cells that screw everything up. Unfortunately, it's a delayed reaction, so it seemed to me that there was no link between what I was eating and when I was getting 'attacked'. Thankfully I now know which foods cause my reactions, so eliminating them has allowed me to get well on my way to recovering.

My point? Well, I've spent the last year of my life going from doctor to doctor trying to figure out what was wrong with me. They ran the gamut of every test possible but EE is a low-flying ass that stays off the radar extremely well. Below are the trials and tribulations I have gone through to get to this point. I urge anyone who is having trouble getting a diagnosis and experiencing similar symptoms to ask your doctor about getting tested for EE - you may save yourself (and your mother) a great deal of grief.

Story Time:
Note - the names have been changed (childishly) to protect the identity of those involved.

(August 2009)
My heartburn has gotten out of control. Every meal is being followed by some artificially flavored chalk. I bought a large container of TUMS last month and I'm already out. I decided to go ahead and schedule a doctor's visit - asked around and Dr. BigHouse was recommended.

(September 2009)
Hurricane Ike delayed my trip to the doctor a bit. Finally got to see him and explained that I'm now having dizzy spells after eating and feeling nauseated as well. He gave me a trial of heartburn medication.

(October 8, 2009)
Went back to Dr. BigHouse and told him the heartburn meds wern't helping. He did some blood draws and an Ultrasound. All my tests were within range. He recommended I see a GI specialist, Dr. Saddam, about my stomach problems.

(October 12, 2009)
Woke up this morning with stabbing pains in my chest. Went to the ER for 7 hours. The nurse ordered Chest X-Rays, EKG, and a GI cocktail. Everything came back clean - they released me (still with chest pains) without every having the doctor see me. But, joy of joys, they gave me more heartburn medicine (apparently telling them you've already tried it is irrelevant).

(October 15, 2009)
Dr. Saddam performed and EGD on me (that's fancy medical lingo for sticking a camera down your throat and taking samples). My tonsils are enlarged, I've got white plaques lining my esophagus, and gastritis.

(October ?, 2009)
Dr. Saddam informs me I have a yeast infection in my throat. He gives me some antifungals to kill it, but says that this is typically a symptoms of a greater underlying condition. I ask him other causes and he says it's typically cancer, diabetes, or HIV. Cancer would've appeared on the EGD and diabetes had been ruled out by blood work. HIV required another blood draw and a painfully long two day wait. Thankfully, I'm negative. (Ladies!)

(November 10, 2008)
I revisited Dr. Saddam because I'm still experiencing bizarre symptoms after eating. Changing my diet hasn't helped and neither did more antifungals. Dr. Saddam does a metabolic panel and some other mumbo-jumbo and, as usual, everything is negative or in range.

(December 23, 2008)
Haven't been able to eat much. Trouble eating plain rice, trouble eating a banana, trouble eating oatmeal. I've lost 15 pounds over the last couple of months and the pain is worse than ever. Dr Saddam orders a CT scan of my abdomen. Everything comes back normal - except I have a kidney stone. Dr BigHouse says it's small and not to worry about seeing a urologist because I'll pass it without even feeling it.

(January 2009)
Went back to Dr. Saddam's - parents came with me because they are worried. He thinks it may be stress/anxiety/depression. I think it may be time to get some new doctors.

(February 2009)
Went to see Dr. OldMan. He ordered a barium swallow and suggested I see a different GI specialist - Dr. Aaron. Sadly, Dr. Aaron isn't convered on my insurance, so I have to see Dr. NoGood instead. (Aside: Dear Fox News, please stop saying we have the best health care system in the world. It's a load of bullshit and you know it.)

Barium swallow came back clean - no achalasia, no reflux, no nothing. Dr. NoGood is thoroughly convinced I have heartburn, despite me telling him I don't and that I've been on a slew of heartburn mediciations. We try prevacid, aciphex, kapidex, prilosec, nexium, and protonix.

(March 2009)
Dr. NoGood decides to perform another EGD and a colonoscopy. Other than inflammation in my upper GI the scopes show nothing out of the ordinary (then again that's taking his word for it because he only took one god damn picture through the entire procedure). He decides to treat me for SIBO and after no marked improvement tries to give me another heartburn medication.

At this time I decide to call up my insurance company and see how much it will cost me if I pay Dr. Aaron out of pocket. Turns out Dr. Aaron is covered by my plan, but only at one of his two locations. How is that possible? Ask the best healthcare system in the world.

(April 2009)
I've lost 30 pounds since last September, I've been suffering from insomnia because the pain is keeping me up at nights, and I've had to drop my college courses for the semester. Dr. Aaron reorders all my blood work, and has small intestinal study done on me. Everything comes back clean.

(May 2009)
I wake up in the middle of the night with a stabbing pain in my side. I call for an ambulance and the driver informs me I most likely have a kidney stone. He can't give me any pain medication on the way there because he's afraid it might act with something I've taken for my stomach problems. Upon arriving at the hospital then make me go into the waiting room and ask me to fill out paperwork (keep in mind the pain has gotten to the point where my hands are shaking uncontrolably). Thankfully my mother arrives and does all the work for me. After another half a days and a few shots of morphine I pass the stone (I've already had a camera in my throat and bottom, I'll be damned if they're putting one anywhere else). Dr. BigHouse is now on my shitlist. Lesson: If you have a kidney stone of any size, go see a urologist.

(June 2009)
I schedule an appointment to follow up with the ER doctor to see what my stone was formed out of. Fortunately, because we have the best healthcare system in the world, I can't because he's not with my provider. But, my other doctors can order the results so all is well, I guess.

Dr. Aaron orders a HIDA scan to test and make sure my gallbladder is functioning properly. As can be expected, my gallbladder is functioning properly.

(July 2009)
For whatever reason, my stomach is feeling better. I take this as an invitation to eat as much food as possible and start putting weight back on. I'm still having the symptoms but to a lesser extent. I get the first full nights sleep I've had in a long time. I go back to Dr. OldMan and he suggests I see Dr. Breath about getting my allergies retested (I had allergy problems as a child, but grew out of them in my teenage years).

(August 2009)
I see Dr. Breath. Apparently I've developed a strong sensitivity to a decent portion of the food pyramid. She diagnosis me with EE and suggests I see a nutritionist to figure out how to restructure my diet. After so long of a wait and such an emotional rollercoaster I expect a parade or streamers to accompany my diagnoses. A few celebratory high fives was about it.

(September 2009)
A little bit of follow up this month, but I don't want to put the cart before the horse. Will rewrite and touch up a bit after revisiting Breath, OldMan, and Aaron.

C.S. Lewis

2009-09-09T23:43:00.001-05:00

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for the something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage. I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country, which I shall not find till after death; I must never let it get snowed under or turned aside; I must make it the main object of life to press on to that other country and to help others to do the same."

2009-09-03T01:10:00.000-05:00

I BEAT THE WORST GAME EVER

2009-08-16T13:28:00.006-05:00

So there's a really crappy marina racing game put out by addictinggames.

Here's the link

and here is a video of me beating it (the game, that is). BOO YAH!

Best Day Ever

2009-08-09T03:29:00.003-05:00

Free Burrito.

Ducklings

Music Festival

Over The Top

2009-07-21T15:00:00.001-05:00

Why I hate Windows Vista (and utorrent)

2009-07-19T19:10:00.006-05:00

[warning: contains naughtly language]

[typically I avoid this on my blog, but this is unberable]

I'm not a religious man, but I do have religious practices.

Every Sunday I come home from work, grab some food, and download the newest episode of Top Gear.

Now for months this hasn't been a problem. BUT, in my infinite wisdom, I got a new desktop loaded with that steaming pile of an operating system... that inner child killing, evil as a bond villain stroking a cat, global warming, baby seal clubbing, auto tuning, gas guzzling, bane of my everlasting existence...

Now you're thinking to yourself, "just some idiot who doesn't understand computers and is blaming change for his problems".

Oh no, OOOOH no. Let me tell you of the peril that is Vista.

(story starts here)

So I go on my favorite torrent site happy because I'm about to download my favorite show. I open the torrent file and, low and behold, uTorrent needs to update. No big deal, let's do this update thing.

So I go through the menus, click install. Nothing.

Go back change my options, click install. Nothing.

This repeats a few times.

In despiration I decide to install the optional Ask.com toolbar - a step intended only for idiots who don't know that you don't have to install it. Still nothing.

I restart my computer, turn off my firewall, turn of my antivirus. Nothing

Suddenly I realize what the problem is. Horror of horros, it's not installing because I have UAC turned off.

For those of you who don't know what UAC is, it's a horrible new 'layer of protection' Microsoft decided to add because people are too stupid to not install viruses on their own computers.

[Start sub-rant #1]

UAC was invented by the devil to steal men's souls. It's for the people who put deisel gas in regular cars. It's for the people who need their coffee cups to tell them that coffee is hot. And if you like it, you should probably kill yourself because we needs less of you in the gene pool

Let me explain to you how UAC (user acess control) works.

You decide, hey, I want to install iTunes.

1. You go to mac.com and click the download button

2. You run the program and windows goes

"Holy fuck, a program, you must be out of your fucking mind, you can't run this shit, don't you know it's going to completely hose your system?"

3. You click 'run anyway' or something equally annoying

4. Windows turns the entire screen dark, and pops up another dialog saying

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph you're really serious about this? This is the worst decision you're every going to make. Do you know how insecure this operating system is? We really pushed development way to fast, threw in entirely too many bells and whistles and made a really crappy product. I mean look at your resource monitor - it's at 33% and you're not even doing ANYTHING. Do you really trust us to be able to install a program successfully, ok here goes"

You get the idea, anyway after about clicking through 14 security screens you have gotten through UAC and can continue on - a slightly angrier version of your previous self

[End sub-rant #1]

Because I'm not an obtuse computer user and trying to stay sane in the hellacious despair, the vacuumous pit deviod of sanity, the enslaver of minds that is Vista, I turned UAC off months ago.

Well, low and behold, like a mentally handicapped zombie reaching out from the grave to continue it's retarted annoyance post mordum... UAC has blocked me again!

So I turn it back on. It requires a restart. So I restart. I run the program, continue through the enslaught of pop-up warnings reminding me that I'm an jackass for buying Vista (an operating system designed for the dolts of society by the blockheads of programming, operating under the fatheads of management) and FINALLY get uTorrent updated.

So now it's time to turn UAC back off, where it will sit waiting in the system tray constantly popping up with great irritation to remind me that it's off AND, invevetably, prohibit me from installing programs worse than it would have if I had left it on.

-tjh

My Backspace Flash Drive

2009-07-13T21:36:00.002-05:00

I decided to make my own version of one of these:

Fender Starcaster Disortion Breadboard Mod

2009-05-02T18:34:00.013-05:00

For the MTV geration who doesn't like to read here is the video:

(all knobs at 12'oclock)(it's hard to hear the difference, when I get some time I'll mic the amp properly so the subtleties become a bit clearer)

The 'Starcaster' lineup is a series of guitars/amps/effects by Fender aimed toward the entry level player. They offer a blue distortion pedal which you can pick up for ~$60 bucks at target and about half as much online.

I love the fact that the pedal has a built in EQ but wasn't quite as thrilled with the actual distortion. So it was time to mod this bad boy.

Most of the clipping characteristics of a distortion pedal are controlled by two diodes with reverse polarization that serve to boost the signal and square off the waveform.

If you can find those two diodes you can swap them out for some you find more appealing. I'm a bit of a novice with this so I decided to mount a breadboard where the battery tray used to be so I could test out different circuit ideas without having to worry about taking the thing apart, desoldering, etc.

More pictures, theory, and videos shortly when blogger decides to start behaving!

When I Get Healthy

2009-02-18T20:53:00.001-06:00

I'm going to conquer earth!

2009-02-17T11:14:00.003-06:00

Number of attempts to hand me abortion flyers: 2
Number of times I turned down the abortion flyer: 2
Number of times person handing flyer gave me attitude: 1
Number of times I can get an abortion: 0

New Goal

2009-01-31T11:15:00.002-06:00

Sell ~$250 dollars worth of crap on ebay and buy an accordion

Current: $21.13 USD

Shit sold:
Tail Light: $21.13 USD

Schedule Spring 2009

2009-01-21T17:10:00.002-06:00

BushWacked!

2008-12-15T23:17:00.003-06:00

Can you tell which audio I added?

Dreamcast Mouse Mod

2008-12-08T01:37:00.005-06:00

Dreamcast to PC Mouse Mod
Let me start off by saying that this was completely pointless. I went over to my parents house a few days ago and was digging through my old stuff when I found a Dreamcast Mouse:

After a very limited attempt to get it to interface with a computer I decided to rip the guts out of one of a Dell mouse and retrofit them into the Dreamcast one.

A couple of pictures of the cutting and gutting:

And the final product:
Notes:
Left and right click work fine. Wheel scrolls and clicks. Cut original mouse wheel to fit on the Dell scroll wheel so everything looks stock from the top and sides. The bottom has a big ass hole cut in it for the laser. The 3rd mouse button (on the side) does nothing.

INTERNET!!!

2008-12-05T20:37:00.003-06:00

After 8 months of living without the 'Tubes' we've got internet.

2000 Accord Climate Control LED Mod

2008-11-26T13:32:00.006-06:00

Background:
6th generation Accords (98-02) use amber bulbs and a blue filter to produce a white-ish light in their gauges, clocks, radio, etc. If one of the bulbs burns out and you try to replace it with a white LED your instruments will be blue.

Goal:
Replace bulbs with white LEDS and have them look white.

Notes:
This gets pretty involved and difficult. I am not responsable for your screwups.
I use Climate Control and HVAC interchangeably.

I bought all my LEDs from superbrightleds.com :
~~-3 NEO4-W Bulbs~~ (<- These didn't work well at all)
-4 count of 74-WHP3 Bulb

Tools:
Small flathead and phillips screwdriver
Aluminum Tape(optional)
Q-Tips
Fingernail Polish Remover
Dremel tool
Soldering iron

Steps:
- Remove the clock and front bezel from your console

- Unscrew the 5 bolts around the climate control to remove it form the bezel

Looking at the HVAC from the back you will see a bulb attached to a couple wires towards the right hand side. You can remove it from the white plastic piece by twisting it then remove the bulb from the black socket by wiggling it. The later part may take a while.

Replace the bulb with the 75-WHP3 (takes more wiggling). You may want to go back to your car and make sure the light makes good contact and lights up.

Remove the two round knobs from the front by pulling on them. Inside there is a blue filter glued in. Remove them.

Flip the HVAC on it's side and start releasing the white tabs with a flathead screwdriver. There are 4 on the bottom, 5 on the top, and one on the side.

Under the 3 buttons on the bottom there are black plungers that push the button. These will continually fall our while you work without the faceplate on so I suggest putting them to the side and not forgetting to install them before reattaching the faceplate.

Under the 5 buttons on top there is a black rubber strip. Do the same thing as the plungers above, making sure not to forget it before you're finished.

Remove the 8 buttons by lifting them vertically and taking them off very gently. I broke a lot of my white plastic tabs in this process so I'm not going to bother including pictures of how to do it wrong. If they break don't worry the buttons will still work they'll just be loose.

Some of the openings for light to get through are blocked off by some plastic pieces. I snapped these off with a screwdriver. I'm not sure if they serve any sort of function or help diffuse the light - and at this point I really don't care.

Next we'll remove the blue tint from the buttons:

Grab one of the 8 buttons you removed and you'll see on the side the are held to the base by small tabs. Gently use a flathead screwdriver to separate the two pieces.

Remove the blue filter beneath it (it should pop out). Do this to all 8 buttons. Reassemble the buttons, snap them back into the holders.

-We now need to remove the blue filter from the 'Off-1-2-3-4' displays on the faceplate

Dip a q-tip in your nail polish remover and scrub the letters from the inside of the faceplate. Be slow and gentle and conservative with the amount on the q-tip, but remember that the acetone will evaporate rather quickly. You want to scrub the letters until they turn clear and let light pass through easily. DO NOT continue to scrub once your reach this point or you will right of removing ALL of the black around the letters are well. This is very tedious and easy to screw up so tread lightly.

Once you have finished you will have removed the blue tint from the letters and you should be able to see them very easily when held up to a light. (This is also a good way to check and see if you've missed a spot)

While I had the faceplate off i covered the backing of where the knob mounts with aluminum tape. I guess this step is optional but i think it'll help to spread out the light from the LED.

-At this point you can put the buttons back in (with plungers and rubber pieces) and snap the faceplate back on the next few steps could be considered optional so read ahead before deciding if you want to do them or not.

Looking at the HVAC from the back, remove the screws. Take the black plastic housing and circuitboard out and set them to the side.

-An optional step while you here is to replace the LEDs on the circuit board with brighter ones/different colors/etc. This is as simple as desoldering the old/soldering the new and there are a million how-to's covering that.

There is a big plastic white piece used here to diffuse the light. If you wanted you could take a dremel to this, but you'll probably end up with a 'hot spot' in your temp guage. I decided to just cover it with aluminum tape and hope that a decent amount of light bounces around.

You remove the red/blue color wheel out by sliding a flathead through the vents (see previous picture). It's just glued in there so once you get a gap you can pull it back. I tried taking acetone to it but it doesn't seem to be covered in any sort of tint. I put a few more pieces of aluminum tape on the inside (where I couldn't reach from the back) and put it all back together.

-Now the hard part! Making your custom bulbs. Start by removing the 3 twist bulbs in the circuit board

Now remove the old bulb out of the base by first untwisting the wires in the bottom of the base until they are straight then secondly pulling on the bulb while holding the base.

Then drill a 3/16" hole in the middle all the way through the base.

You should now be able to shove an LED a little ways into one of the holders (may be a tight fit, but don't break anything). At this point I stuck the base back into the circuit board then marked on the base where left and right is to make sure the LEDS on the side are facing the proper way in the next step.

You'll need to small groove in one side of the base to make room for the black component that's off center on the LED. Make sure you cut the grove where the LED will still be aligned properly left and right when you put it back into the circuit board.

At this point there should be a little bit of circuit board sticking out of the bottom of the base of your bulb. You're going to want to solder a solid wire (not stranded) to each one of the leads on either side. I used Ethernet wire and it worked like a charm. Wind them through the grooves the old bulb used.

-Put everything back together and test it out. You'll no doubt have one or more stubborn bulbs - check to make sure the contacts on the circuit board is clean, your solder joints are good, the bulb isn't loose, etc.

Good luck!

More pictures:
The left portion (off 1 2 3 4) has been fitted with LEDs. The rest have the filter removed but no LEDs. You can see in this picture this difference between the brightness and color 'temperature'. Note that the 3 and 4 do appear a little brighter due to the location of the LED. You could probably use some more aluminum tape or paper to diffuse this, but it's really not that noticable (the picture exaggerates it).

Custom bulbs in the buttons and temp control knob. Notice the lighting is even and even the defrost button is well lit. You can also tell that I swapped the green LED for a brighter one.