thejameshimself

TheJamesHimself loves/hates working with technology:

i'm an IT guy. for those of you who aren't sure what that is, it means I bridge the gap between technology and dumb people. i don't mind helping you... but there's some stuff you should know...

The Knowledge:

1) do not call me on a Saturday morning because WOW isn't working.

2) a modem, router, hub, switch, repeater, NIC, gateway, and server are not the same thing. do not use them interchangeably.

3) yes, i did just do exactly what you tried, and yes it did work. ha ha.

4) there is no such thing as pro bono. if i go out of my way at least buy me lunch.

5) don't buy something you don't know how to use and expect me to teach you how to use it. (unless, of course, you are an executive, in which case it is your duty)

6) i am capable of answering a technical question in a non-technical way. however, i like to think of myself as an adult and therefore do not feel like using colors, hand motions and/or a car analogy because you're too lazy to read up on something.

7) a grown man looks ridiculous trying to repeat computer noises. have a sense of decency.

8) i don't not have an excess supply of projectors, lcd monitors, biometric scanners, etc. even if i did, i wouldn't tell you. stop asking.

9) if i get overly excited about something nerdy you have all the right in the world to make fun of me. however, if you're a geologist i'd like to remind you that you work with rocks... so shut the hell up.

10) if i google'd the answer to your question, then odds are you shouldn't have asked me.

11) don't CC your boss on an asset request. i'm not scared, and it's their job to not spend money.

12) please don't have me vouch that something is a piece of crap. i've got better things to do (like type up a list)

13) i'm sorry that it took me all afternoon to get you a new mouse pad, i was busy doing something that mattered.

14) i hate blackberries. stop buying them.

15) no i will not increase the limit on your email. stop sending pictures of kittens.

16) if you press the reply all button you better fucking mean it.

17) why would you delete something you didn't want to delete?

18) teachers: if i helped you out once, that doesn't make me your technology bitch for the rest of the year.

19) DO NOT ask me to help make your word doc/email prettier.

20) a screenshot of both monitors is 0% more helpful than just one

21) just because you have a thumbprint reader does not give you permission to forget your password. jackass.

22) despite what logic may dictate - Gatorade doesn't make a laptop run faster. in fact, it just voids the warranty.

23) don't get upset with me for me smiling when you tell me it caught on fire. i wasn't the one stuffing it full of dust and cat hair.

-thejameshimself@gmail