TheJamesHimself's Guide to Buying Condoms:

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1) go to a store you'd otherwise never go to in an outfit you'd otherwise never wear (i prefer a cowboy hat and fake moustache).

2) before venturing to the condoms, grab a few other day-to-day items so you look more normal.

3) wander the aisles aimless and uneasy searching for them. when that doesn't work break down and ask someone.

4) now (ironically) they're typically located directly next to the "feminine products".

5) spend entirely too much time determining the correct size, type, and amount.

6) now that you've made your decision, it's time to run into the last person on earth you wanted to see

7) all that's left is paying. don't worry - there will be a line and the person working the nightshift will be wholly incompetent at their job. also, make sure to use a coupon as this will make their head explode.

8) get home and hide those babies someplace handy. congrats, stud.

-thejameshimself@gmail